How we can support each other
Not strictly a research post but important nonetheless. I’m not claiming to be an expert on this but from my personal experiences and commitments in and outside of work I have learnt a lot about how to listen and care that can often be applied to the workplace to both staff and patients. I have had a lot of training on listening and supporting people in crisis that is so relevant to our current situation. I am reflecting on this here in order to share what I’ve found helpful. I think this is something we should all work on so I would absolutely welcome your suggestions on this topic.
How to listen
Something we definitely take for granted how to listen. The way we listen differs depending on the purpose of our interaction. Clinically we ask questions and listen for symptoms and pattern recognition in order to provide advice and solutions.
Listening to others for their wellbeing should not be an advice giving exercise. This can be quite challenging professionals whose career is focused on helping people feel better. It requires you to be fully present and your focus should be to understand the situation and not just to respond. The most useful tool I have found to support this is the listening wheel (see image below). In order to explain these I am going to use an example of a clinician you are talking to that has said “I had a really difficult shift today, Mr X has been really unwell and his family are worried”
- Reflective listening- reflect what has been said to you “your shift has been really difficult today”
- Clarifying- this is an important step and ensures you have understood what your colleague is saying “has speaking with Mr X’s family made this shift difficult for you?”
- Encouraging- this can be a sentence such as “I have time to talk about this if you would like” or a noise/gesture to confirm you are hearing what they are saying without interrupting
- Summarising- this is similar to reflecting but using more of your interpretation than reflecting the sentence back
- Open questions- I needn’t explain this one I’m sure but open ended questions allow for people to explore deeper ask things such as “how did caring for Mr X make you feel today?”
- Reacting- when reacting its important that you don’t assume anything. Try using their own phrasing. “sounds like it’s been really difficult for you today”
- Silence- by far your most powerful tool. Be quiet. Allow them to speak openly. Often when we leave a silence people will think about what they said and add more, giving you a deeper understanding of how they are feeling.
There is no script to being a good listener. You’re attention should solely be on trying to understand the situation for that individual.
Trigger words
During times of high pressure and what could be emotional crisis its really important to listen out for trigger words that might suggest this person is in crisis. You can then use a step down approach to ask more difficult questions. For example if someone says “I’m really struggling” you should clarify what struggling means to them and ask more open questions to gain a better understanding of what impact this is having on them?
Debriefing
This can be really difficult when workloads and pressures are so high but this is such a powerful way of caring for one another. Debriefs should focus more on how that person is feeling and less on the details of what happened today.
A quick debrief guide:
- How was your shift today?
- How did this make you feel?
- Are you doing okay?
“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply,” Stephen Covey
Did you know: Samaritans offer a specific call line for NHS staff during the pandemic 08000696222 or you can call their national line on 116123 (free)
